Feb. 20th, 2007

standardblack: ([Emote] No Hero Here)
Any of my people...everyone that survived that plane crash. I’d give my life for them in an instant, and not because I trust them...not even because I have any deep feelings for them. Well...maybe that’s not entirely true. There’s forty-plus people that survived the plane crash, and out of all of them? I only really know a handful. Kate, Faith, Sawyer...those are just three. Charlie, Claire, Shannon, Boone...there’s a young woman named Nikki in the group, but the only reason I even remember her name is because she got upset with me for calling her Nicole at some point.

I’ll willingly give my life for them because I don’t know them all...because I can’t. I’ll do it because there’s no one else here *to* do it. These people needed a leader...I didn’t ask for this, but now it’s mine, and I have to be willing to do anything to protect them...to keep them safe.

Most importantly, though, I’ll die for them...because no one else should have to die.

[private]

There’s two people specifically I’d die for in an instant...maybe more readily than the rest of the group.

There’s obvious reasons why I’d die for Kate...how important she is, how I’ve come to care of her...but she helped give me something no one else ever has, something I value more than my own life. I’ll die for her because I’ll die to preserve that.

And that’s why I’d also die for Faith...though there are other reasons, among them being trust. I trust her to do the same for me, and for anyone on this island. Not because she cares, and not because it’s right...but because it’s in her. Regardless of what she did before, or how bad she may be, or *thinks* she is. I’ve seen her save lives...I think it’s more natural in her to be a hero than it ever will be in me.

But these two women...so alike and so different...they changed me. They mean different things to me, but they’ve both taught me the same thing.

I never knew I was doing it, but it took them to make me see that everything in my life has been about getting away from...everything. And these two, these fugitives...it took them to make me realize that it was okay to stop running.

[/private]

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 401
standardblack: ([Emote] Out of Destruction)
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." -Andre Gide

I’m not a good man...everyone thinks I’m a good man, but it’s not true. And every day, it eats at me...what they don’t know. What none of them will ever know. I can only pray that they never get to see that face...the one that can kill. The one that *has* killed.

It’s a constant struggle to fight the things I feel...this ugly black monolith that lives in my head and heart. People think evil is cold, that it feels nothing...they’re wrong. They’re so wrong...darkness is hot and alive and, oddly enough, so bright it hurts.

It’s all about feeling...too much and too hard and too furious. And I don’t know how to stop. Love, hate, anger, grief...I have to be careful with them all. I’ve loved and mourned myself into places I hope I never go again, but I’ve also been pulled out of the blackest holes by these things inside me...flames that never seem to burn themselves out.

The world calls it virtue. I call it pain.

I envy Sawyer that...the freedom of being what he is. I know he’s not as bad as he’d like people to think with his forced misanthropy and his sarcasm...but he doesn’t have to hide the darkness in him. He’s hated, and honestly...but he’s also loved the same for the good in him he insists on locking away.

Kind of ironic, I guess...this weird sort of jealousy. Because at the end of the day...of all the people in the world, I envy a con man for his honest living.

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 269 (w/o quote)

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Dr. Jack Sheppard

December 2007

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