standardblack: ([Jacket] Your Little Secret)
[personal profile] standardblack
[locked from Kate and Sawyer]

I guess you might think that giving up on Kate was the hardest decision I ever made, right? Well...it wasn’t.

Maybe that’s part of what bothers me so much...seeing them together, knowing she’s with him. Making that decision to let go...I’m not good at letting go. I never have been, and I probably never really will be. And it’s made me realize...I never really had her to begin with.

So yes, I’ve done worse...made harder choices with regard to things and people who were actually there all along. In the real world, my divorce...granting Sara the divorce was hard, damn hard. Never knowing the truth...the goddamn *name*...letting her go in spite of that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.

Letting Boone go was another. He wanted it...he made his choice, but I was so close...take the leg, save his life...he would have had a chance at least. Maybe I couldn’t have stopped the inevitable, but maybe I could have held it off long enough for Shannon to say goodbye to her own brother.

The hardest decision that I’ve ever had to make, though...maybe the hardest of my life...was the day I made the choice to trust Juliet.

Why? Because I know that I *can’t* trust her. Not at all...not ever. And it’s not because she’s one of Them...she’s not. A lot of the people I met in their camp aren’t bad or evil...and a lot of them are nothing like Ben.

Juliet is not one of those people. She and Ben are the same in one very important way: they will sacrifice anyone and anything to achieve their goals.

The only difference between them, the only reason I trust her at all...I think Juliet deserves what she wants. I can understand it.

So I’ll trust her...for now. Because I know she’d sell me out in a heartbeat if it meant she had a chance to go home.

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 344
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Dr. Jack Sheppard

December 2007

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