[EM] 10 - Triumph
Aug. 23rd, 2006 11:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
standardblackA lot of what’s happened since I came to this island’s been pretty monumental for me...I’ve faced a lot of demons and I’ve done my best to help where I could. I’ve stood up to a lot I never thought I could handle...all in all, it’s been a character building experience to say the least.
But it all came to a head with five words...five simple words that made me realize what my greatest achievement was.
“I’m sorry I kissed you.”
I honestly didn’t know if it was how she really felt...if she was trying to assuage some sense of guilt or regret she might have thought I had about the incident...the truth was, I’d been a little unsettled by everything I’d seen between her and Sawyer, then Sawyer and Faith...the man has a natural chemistry with, I think, any woman you throw in his path. He’s a chameleon...he can be whoever they want him to be.
I honestly didn’t know if he preferred Faith...or Kate...or, for that matter, if either one of them had actual feelings for him.
But I knew my own feelings...and when Kate said that, I felt the usual hesitation, the fear of overstepping my bounds, the fear that counting couldn’t abate...and then I shoved it right to the side. Like it was nothing, when before we crashed, that hesitation would have been everything.
“I’m not.”
It was so much easier to say than I ever dreamed it would be...because it was true. Simply, brutally, almost painfully true...a truth almost too big to hide, a truth I didn’t *want* to hide. I wasn’t sure how I felt about anything just yet...was even less sure of how she felt, but I knew that she was trying to let us both off the hook of...whatever was between us.
And I didn’t want either one of us to be off the hook. At all.
Then she looked at me with that look...like she was so surprised that I could actually be serious...nothing in my life ever felt so certain, so *right.*
That was the night I stopped hiding behind propriety, just for a moment. I put everything aside...*everything* to try and take back a little piece of one of the only good things I’ve got on this island, maybe one of the only truly good things I’ve ever had period. Something I almost destroyed with my own jealousy...my own fear.
That was my greatest triumph...taking a chance on unknown ground. I still don’t know anything for sure...not even what I feel. All I know is that I like how I feel.
And I know that I’m done with trying to control it.
Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 465
But it all came to a head with five words...five simple words that made me realize what my greatest achievement was.
“I’m sorry I kissed you.”
I honestly didn’t know if it was how she really felt...if she was trying to assuage some sense of guilt or regret she might have thought I had about the incident...the truth was, I’d been a little unsettled by everything I’d seen between her and Sawyer, then Sawyer and Faith...the man has a natural chemistry with, I think, any woman you throw in his path. He’s a chameleon...he can be whoever they want him to be.
I honestly didn’t know if he preferred Faith...or Kate...or, for that matter, if either one of them had actual feelings for him.
But I knew my own feelings...and when Kate said that, I felt the usual hesitation, the fear of overstepping my bounds, the fear that counting couldn’t abate...and then I shoved it right to the side. Like it was nothing, when before we crashed, that hesitation would have been everything.
“I’m not.”
It was so much easier to say than I ever dreamed it would be...because it was true. Simply, brutally, almost painfully true...a truth almost too big to hide, a truth I didn’t *want* to hide. I wasn’t sure how I felt about anything just yet...was even less sure of how she felt, but I knew that she was trying to let us both off the hook of...whatever was between us.
And I didn’t want either one of us to be off the hook. At all.
Then she looked at me with that look...like she was so surprised that I could actually be serious...nothing in my life ever felt so certain, so *right.*
That was the night I stopped hiding behind propriety, just for a moment. I put everything aside...*everything* to try and take back a little piece of one of the only good things I’ve got on this island, maybe one of the only truly good things I’ve ever had period. Something I almost destroyed with my own jealousy...my own fear.
That was my greatest triumph...taking a chance on unknown ground. I still don’t know anything for sure...not even what I feel. All I know is that I like how I feel.
And I know that I’m done with trying to control it.
Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 465
