standardblack: ([Emote] Out of Destruction)
[personal profile] standardblack
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." -Andre Gide

I’m not a good man...everyone thinks I’m a good man, but it’s not true. And every day, it eats at me...what they don’t know. What none of them will ever know. I can only pray that they never get to see that face...the one that can kill. The one that *has* killed.

It’s a constant struggle to fight the things I feel...this ugly black monolith that lives in my head and heart. People think evil is cold, that it feels nothing...they’re wrong. They’re so wrong...darkness is hot and alive and, oddly enough, so bright it hurts.

It’s all about feeling...too much and too hard and too furious. And I don’t know how to stop. Love, hate, anger, grief...I have to be careful with them all. I’ve loved and mourned myself into places I hope I never go again, but I’ve also been pulled out of the blackest holes by these things inside me...flames that never seem to burn themselves out.

The world calls it virtue. I call it pain.

I envy Sawyer that...the freedom of being what he is. I know he’s not as bad as he’d like people to think with his forced misanthropy and his sarcasm...but he doesn’t have to hide the darkness in him. He’s hated, and honestly...but he’s also loved the same for the good in him he insists on locking away.

Kind of ironic, I guess...this weird sort of jealousy. Because at the end of the day...of all the people in the world, I envy a con man for his honest living.

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 269 (w/o quote)
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Dr. Jack Sheppard

December 2007

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