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elite_muses: Topic 6 - Marriage
Jul. 29th, 2006 10:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
standardblack[locked from all castaways]
Marriage…I used to be married. She was a good woman…strong, funny, smart…beautiful, too. She was too good for a guy like me…she was whole. I wasn’t. I’m not sure I ever will be…and that’s why she left me.
I fix things. It’s who I am, it’s what I do…it’s all I know. And that’s how I met my wife…because I fixed her. She was a patient of mine…broken back. I tried to help her…I did everything I could to save her and I did.
At least that’s how it appeared. I did the procedure…I did everything I could. I promised her that I would fix her.
I didn’t.
Medically, she shouldn’t be walking…because I couldn’t keep my promise, I couldn’t do it. And yet…she danced at our wedding. I actually believed, the day I saw her wiggle her toes, that I could be responsible. That I might have made a miracle…with my promise, my need to keep it…my *desire* to keep it.
But when there was nothing left to fix, no broken pieces to fit back together…I started looking again. I was faithful as I could possibly be to the woman I thought I loved, but in reality I was cheating on her with my patients. The broken backs and nerve damage and helpless souls I had the power to piece back together.
She ended up leaving me. It hurt. A lot. I fixed her…but fixing her broke us, as a couple. With nothing else to repair…we didn’t need each other anymore.
I don’t regret her recovery…I don’t begrudge her for a single second the fact that she can walk, that she found a life for herself outside our home, that she was able to be happy in spite of me. I cared for Sara…I still do, I always will.
But I know now that I don’t love her…I never did. Love can’t be fixed or broken, made or unmade, it just is. It always will be. It’s there and you can’t get rid of it, no matter what.
Marriage is a promise to be kept…and a broken marriage is a broken promise. It’s a beautiful thing, a wonderful thing…but I made that promise, I kept that promise…and it wasn’t enough.
I guess you could say that I stopped believing in marriage the day I stopped believing in miracles.
[/locked]
Muse: Jack Sheppard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 389
Marriage…I used to be married. She was a good woman…strong, funny, smart…beautiful, too. She was too good for a guy like me…she was whole. I wasn’t. I’m not sure I ever will be…and that’s why she left me.
I fix things. It’s who I am, it’s what I do…it’s all I know. And that’s how I met my wife…because I fixed her. She was a patient of mine…broken back. I tried to help her…I did everything I could to save her and I did.
At least that’s how it appeared. I did the procedure…I did everything I could. I promised her that I would fix her.
I didn’t.
Medically, she shouldn’t be walking…because I couldn’t keep my promise, I couldn’t do it. And yet…she danced at our wedding. I actually believed, the day I saw her wiggle her toes, that I could be responsible. That I might have made a miracle…with my promise, my need to keep it…my *desire* to keep it.
But when there was nothing left to fix, no broken pieces to fit back together…I started looking again. I was faithful as I could possibly be to the woman I thought I loved, but in reality I was cheating on her with my patients. The broken backs and nerve damage and helpless souls I had the power to piece back together.
She ended up leaving me. It hurt. A lot. I fixed her…but fixing her broke us, as a couple. With nothing else to repair…we didn’t need each other anymore.
I don’t regret her recovery…I don’t begrudge her for a single second the fact that she can walk, that she found a life for herself outside our home, that she was able to be happy in spite of me. I cared for Sara…I still do, I always will.
But I know now that I don’t love her…I never did. Love can’t be fixed or broken, made or unmade, it just is. It always will be. It’s there and you can’t get rid of it, no matter what.
Marriage is a promise to be kept…and a broken marriage is a broken promise. It’s a beautiful thing, a wonderful thing…but I made that promise, I kept that promise…and it wasn’t enough.
I guess you could say that I stopped believing in marriage the day I stopped believing in miracles.
[/locked]
Muse: Jack Sheppard
Fandom: LOST
Words: 389
